(Roughly) Daily

Posts Tagged ‘gifts

“The worst gift I was given came when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.”*…

 

sa_is_salt

 

(Roughly) Daily is headed, after this post, into it’s annual Holiday hiatus; regular service will resume on or around January 2.  So, with best wishes for the New Year, these practical tips for dealing with some of the exigencies of the season…

 

A chemistry-themed spice rack [pictured above]: This one really knocks it out of the park. It’s designed to go on the counter, first of all, and it’s fragile, so if you have badly-behaved cats you’re going to have to stress about them shattering all or part of it. In order to use it, people have to conscientiously funnel bulk spices into teeny tiny flasks, which is a pain in the ass. Nine of the thirteen containers are test tubes with curved bottoms so you can’t put them down on the counter and have them stand upright. They have corks as tops so you need two hands to open them and there’s no shaker. Finally — this is really the icing on the cake — they come with cute chemistry-themed labels but while they look like chemical formulas they’re super wrong, like “Salt” is “Sa” instead of NaCl, so if your recipient is a chemist, it is guaranteed to annoy the hell out of them. This is bulky, difficult to use, difficult to store, and also just stupid for its intended purpose…

Just one of the handy tips in Naomi Kritzer‘s “Gifts for People You Hate, 2019.”

And lest one forget oneself, here’s all one needs to know to make a Christmas cinema classic an integral part of one’s own celebration: step-by-step instructions on “How to make your own Die Hard Christmas tree ornament.”

Die Hard

* Craig Ferguson

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As we check things off the list, we might recall that it was on this date in 1946 that Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life premiered.  Featuring Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, a small town banker who has given up his dreams to help others, and whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve elicits the intervention of his guardian angel, Clarence Odbody (Henry Travers).  Clarence shows George all the lives he has touched, and how different life in his community of Bedford Falls would have been had George never been born.

The film disappointed at the box office on its release; but it was nominated for five Academy Awards, and has gone on to become a classic, recognized by the American Film Institute as one of the 100 best American films ever made,

Its_A_Wonderful_Life_Movie_Poster source

 

Written by LW

December 20, 2019 at 1:01 am

It’s not too early to think about *next year’s* Fathers Day…

From the silly…

The Cabana Islander holds up to 6 people. Impractical in a swimming pool, it’s really only useful in a big body of water, like an ocean, where you might fall asleep and drift out to sea.

The only good thing about this $364 piece of inflatable plastic is that when you do, inevitably, wake up somewhere over the horizon, you’ve got up to five other family members or friends to eat. Just make sure you bring someone weak when you set sail for disaster, since you’ll need to conserve as much energy as possible in the process of overpowering them to eat their body.

…through the sillier…

This computer mouse hides a digital scale inside and has a little compartment to stash a tiny amount of weed. This would be more practical if a desktop computer wasn’t a big square box with a ton of empty space where you could put a full-sized scale and several ounces of weed.

Customers who bought this also bought a plastic bic lighter that you can store an even tinier amount of weed in. Who are all these customers and what are they doing with their tiny pieces of weed?

… to the tasteless…

 “I have a clean!”  Thanks once again, capitalism, for reminding us that one of the greatest Americans in history can be reduced to a joke for a few thousand bucks. We laugh and destroy the few people willing to put their lives at stake to ensure a better future for the next generation. One day the sun will swallow the Earth, and the rest of the universe will breathe a sigh of relief.

…and the downright insulting…

“Unless your the worlds most fuckable man, you need Sure Fuck Cologne!” (sic) says the manufacturer.   They also brag it “drives women into a Hot Sexual Frenzy!”  If that’s true, it must smell an awful lot like having a full-time job.

… it’s all at The Worst Things for Sale.

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As we contemplate commercial creativity, we might recall that it was on this date in 1178 that “The upper horn of the moon split in two … a flaming torch sprang up, spewing out fire, hot coals & sparks”: an asteroid or comet collided with the moon resulting in a violent explosion that created the Giordano Bruno crater.

The upper horn [of the moon] split in two.  From the midpoint of the division a flaming torch sprang up, spewing out, over a considerable distance, fire, hot coals and sparks. Meanwhile the body of the Moon which was below writhed, as it were in anxiety, and to put it in the words of those who reported it to me and saw it with their own eyes, the Moon throbbed like a wounded snake. Afterwards it resumed its proper state. This phenomenon was repeated a dozen times or more, the flame assuming various twisting shapes at random and then returning to normal. Then, after these transformations, the Moon from horn to horn, that is along its whole length, took on a blackish appearance.
Gervase, Friar and Chronicle at Canterbury, who witnessed the event

NASA photo of the Moon’s Giordano Bruno crater

source

Written by LW

June 18, 2013 at 1:01 am

Last-minute gift ideas for the genuinely desperate…

 

From Drew, the evil genius behind the wonderful Married to the Sea and Toothpaste for Dinner (among other web gems), yet another nifty service: “The Worst Things for Sale.”

Do horses use different drugs than humans? Do they have to smoke enormous joints of drugs to get doped out like a junkie? Find out in “Latawnya, the Naughty Horse”it costs $250.34 used, but this is the internet. Here’s the whole book if you want to read it, and if that doesn’t satisfy your horse-drug cravings, the author has since published Latawnya The Naughty Horse 2.

Why was the Oreo Barbie removed from toy stores almost as soon as it was released? Could it have been the fact that they labeled a black woman as an “Oreo”, and that’s offensive and demeaning?  Yes, that’s exactly why, as a matter of fact.

Readers can find something for even the most difficult-to-please folks on their lists at “The Worst Things for Sale.”

[TotH to Laughing Squid]

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As we make a list and check it twice, we might recall that it was on this date in 1984 that Britain re-gifted Hong Kong to China:  British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and her Chinese counterpart Zhao Ziyang signed a Joint Sino-British Declaration, transferring rule of the Crown Colony to China in 1997.

 source

 

 

Written by LW

December 19, 2012 at 1:01 am

It’s that time again…

…time to start strategizing for that annual test of taste, that carnival of consumerism, Holiday gift shopping.

source: Amazon.co.uk

Happily,  Jolyon Fenwick and Marcus Husselby have ridden to the rescue with a guide to the perfect gift for those one one’s list for whom it’s not the thought that counts:  Einstein’s Watch: Being an Unofficial Record of a Year’s Most Ownable Things

From the publisher’s description:

What is the value of Gandhi’s glasses or a collection of Braille editions of Playboy? And how much is an artwork consisting of ten million $100 banknotes worth? In this gloriously eclectic overview of 2009’s most ownable objects, Jolyon Fenwick and Marcus Husselby present a treasure trove of over 100 desirable things bought or offered for sale this year. Ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, the cache of curios includes: a hard disk of MPs’ expenses over the last five years; Einstein’s watch; Uncle Monty’s cottage from Withnail and I; the last ever cheque issued by Woolworths (it bounced); a holy water sprinkler (made by Parker pens); official posters from the Obama campaign; Captain Cook’s boomerang; Super Lemon Haze marijuana; Black Canary Barbie (described as ‘filth’ by Christian Voice [pictured on the book’s cover]); and, the key to the binoculars storeroom on board the Titanic.

source: Designs Through Process

As we scrawl “Dear Santa,” we might note that today’s a great day to March right down the Middle, in honor of Victorian novelist, poet, and translator George Eliot– Mary Ann Evans– who was born on this date in 1819 in Warwickshire.

George Eliot

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