(Roughly) Daily

Move over, Magic Eight Ball…

As the salaries, bonuses , and options packages of America’s corporate elite continue to rise, so does their responsibility to arm themselves with the most advanced decision technology.  Those sighs of relief one can hear from behind the doors of C suites and executive washrooms?  They’re the bosses’ relieved reaction to Thinkgeek’s new Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker:

When decisions need to be made, sometimes there isn’t a right choice. Hire Bob or Bob? Order pizza or Chinese? Give up your free will to the Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker.

To use the Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker:

– Ask your question. Any question that can be answered in a binary fashion will do. The cat is extremely bored in the box and will listen to whatever you say. It is open to questions of an executive, legislative, or personal nature. You’ll never know the answer if you don’t ask.

– Slide open the door. At this point, the magic will happen and you’ll see the cat flashing in flux between life and death. You’ll either find this disturbing or intensely magical. We won’t pass judgement on your character based on your reaction, we promise.

– See your decision solidify before you. The cat will be alive (which we interpret as a “Yes”) or dead (or “No”). The almighty Schrödinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker has spoken. Go and do its bidding. Meow.

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As we get cozy with uncertainty, we might recall that it was on this date in 1616 that Cardinal Roberto Francesco Romolo Bellarmino decreed that  Copernican theory is “false and erroneous.”  It was this decree that Galileo violated, for which he was tried and put under house arrest for the last eight years of his life.  Bellarmino was canonized in 1930.

 San Roberto (source)

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