(Roughly) Daily

The Net Tightens…

Teacher arrested

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’; but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Democratic leaders, emphasizing their own commitment to Homeland Security, told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

(Thanks, LK)

As we remove our laptops from our carry-ons, we might recall that it was on this date in 1930 that 3M (then, the Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company) introduced it’s clear acetate adhesive, Scotch Tape.

An early advertisement for Scotch Tape (source: MAKE)

Written by (Roughly) Daily

September 8, 2008 at 1:01 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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